Aggie Speaks Out

(after Horace, Epode XV, Nox erat et caelo)

When I think of our first doorstep fumblings
on that moonlit Burton night;
why did you promise your undying love
if you didn’t mean it? Why say I was the one?
You swore down that you’d love me forever
and not let anything come between us.
We’re made for one another, you said,
ignore all the baying women in the Top House,
it’s their jealousy whipping up a storm,
don’t believe a word, they’re just stirring it.

But Billy, I’m a woman and sure as hell, you’ll pay for this.
Your ‘little lamb’, your Agnes, has had enough,
she will not stand meekly by while you have a fling,
she’ll give you a taste of your own medicine.
If it’s good enough for you, then it’s good enough for Aggie,
she can be tough when she makes up her mind.

And you lady, you might have won this time round;
go on, laugh while you can.
Keep your purse shut so he stands your Guinness and gin
and pushes the boat out for you.
It’s clear you see yourself as some sort of second Greta Garbo.
You’re a good-looking woman, I grant you,
but he’ll dump you just like he always does.
Last laugh to me!

(1) The Commercial Hotel was referred to locally as ‘The Top House’
(2) The Burton was a public house

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