(after Horace Ode 1:27 Natis in usum)
All right, don’t let the beer go to your heads –
just enjoy a drink but keep the noise down.
Good poets would hold their booze better than this,
you’re not some engineering air-heads on the lash.
I’ve come in here to have a quiet pint
not bandy beered-up words with all of you.
Show your class and lose the traffic cone
and if you want me here at chucking out,
then stop this fighting talk. You, Abby’s brother,
why don’t you fill us in about your love life.
No ale for me unless you dish the dirt;
don’t be shy, your secret’s safe with me!
Whoever she is she’s got her claws in you,
best not to fight it, lad, that’s my advice.
Once they’ve got you wrapped around their finger
you might as well give in, there’s no escape.